While they were not saving the world
by hemlock-spider
Summary: Ever though of what your favorite FF7 characters were doing while they were not saving the world.(Takes place between FF7 and Advent Children)
1. Cid is lost

What happened after Final Fantasy 7 and Advent Children?No one knows...But now,I think we got a little bit of what happened to our beloved characters.Here is what happened.  
  
Author's Note:Each time a character says the f-word,I do what they did in the game:replace the word with little symbols.And I do not own Final Fantasy nor anything else in this...story.And,this is just a fan fiction...nothing more.So,don't take this too seriously.  
  
Cid:  
  
Unfortunately,Cid accidentally got lost in some weird forest.He was trying out a new plane of his....  
  
"I have no &&$ idea where I am at," the chain-smoking pilot mumbled to himself.He pulled out another cigarette from the packet that was tightly snugged into his goggles.He lit it and stood there.Doing nothing.Absolutely nothing.Then forty-five minutes later,he decided to go try to find his way out of the forest.He had no luck and it became very,very dark.So,he slept on a tree stump and woke up with little forest animals around him.There was a skunk,a few chipmunks,and a turtle...and well...I don't want to tell you all the animals because you will get bored and will want me to continue where we were at.Okay?I'll be quiet....For now.  
  
The animals began dancing and singing a little song.One of the little creatures spoke to Cid.  
  
"Oh,Snow White,you finally came back! We were wondering why you don't return our calls?" the animal squeaked.  
  
"What the hell are you talkin' about?" he spoke."I ain't no Snow White and tell me where the & am I?" The creatures giggled.  
  
"You're in the Forbidden Forest,silly!" a bird chirped."There is a castle in the middle of the forest.It's five minutes away from here...But beware,there is a vicious creature that lives in there.Okay,bye!"The creatures trotted away and then it began to rain.  
  
"Aw,shit." he said.He began walking in the freezing rain,and finally came across the castle those freaky talking animals were talking about.It was a dark castle that was covered in vines and had dead flowers and weeds in the front.It also had Christmas lights up and a bunch of pink flamingos.Cid continued walking to the door.He knocked on it three times.He didn't have an answer so he went in.  
  
"Hello?" he called.His voice echoed throught the halls.There were weird paintings on the walls and a spooky skeleton...No wait,that's that Collista Flockhart girl...I think?Anyways,Cid make his way to the kitchen.No one was there.But strangely he felt like he was being watched.Watched by someone,or something....He turned around and he herd laughing and shadows casted upon the walls.Then he herd a voice.It was a child's voice.  
  
"C'mon...join us in the dining hall! We're having tea.." Cid liked the sound of that.So,he went into the next room and sat down.Then the lights in the room.He looked around and saw a dandle holder.  
  
"Hello?" Cid said as he looked around.  
  
"Bonjour!" the candle holder spoke.Cid couldn't believe that he was talking to a candle holder.Maybe he was so hungry and tired he could be imagining it.Maybe the talking animals and the forest-castle too.  
  
"SHIIIIT.....This hunger must be going to my head!"  
  
"Hunger?Are you hungry?Well,then...Be-our-guest!"  
  
"What the &$?" he said. The candle holder began singing and out came all these dancing objects.A teapot came out in front of him and and a cup that had a chip in it.He was about to pour himself some,but it danced across the table singing with that candle holder guy and a clock?Okay,this was getting on his nerves.He was tired,he was frustrated and he was LOST and very hungry.  
  
"STOP!" he yelled.The objects stopped dancing and stared at him.  
  
"What is the problem?" the clock asked.  
  
"Stop &$ dancing!!I want tea,not a &$ musical!!What is this,Beauty and the Beast?" The objects looked at each other.  
  
"We thought you were Belle..."  
  
"Well,I ain't no Belle am I?"  
  
"We kinda figured that when you got mad," they said together.  
  
So,after awhile Cid got back to Rocket Town,and had a cup of tea before he left.  
  
Author's note:Next chapters will be about:Tifa,Cloud,Barret,Red XIII,and whatever I haven't written about.Yet. 


	2. Part one: An accident

Author:I don't own the Final Fantasy games okee dokee?I just make little stories for fun.Final Fantasy 7 and 10 belong to SquareEnix!!So don't hurt me!!  
  
Prologue:Once upon a time there was a man named Sir Auron.He didn't talk much and I think he an alcholic.Or maybe in that jug of his was peas.Yes, peas.Anyways..Some weird freaky thing happened to him.Sigh Just read the damn story!  
  
Part one:Cloud, Tifa,and Sephiroth...(and a cameo by Aeris and Red XIII)  
  
Sir Auron should had eaten that three day old Del Taco...taco.He was is the toilet for a few hours.No,no more than that.Yes,well...you know what he was doing in there and he felt like he was gonna die in that toilet.As to his luck,he ran out of toilet paper.He was pissed and sad...and really pissed.So he began to swear alot!!  
  
"...I think I need to go shopping as soon as I feel better," he though.He was about to grab some old magazine that was sitting in the rack of Wakka's house but he was sucked into a blackhole that formed in the toilet.He began to scream like a little kid(which was a bit unusual) and Lulu,Rikku,and Yuna bursted in with Tidus.They watched the man as he was being pulled into the toilet and then vanished.The all looked at each other and shrugged.  
  
"I actually thought he had the same accident like in 'There's Something About Mary'..." Rikku said.  
  
"You could have kept that to yourself,you know..."Lulu responded.  
  
"Man!He used all the toilet paper!!" said Tidus."Now what will I use?" They all walked out and had a meeting around a camp fire for no reason.  
  
"Everyone," said Yuna. "We must save Sir Auron.He was our friend..." Everyone looked around uncomfortably.  
  
"Ya,but how?" said Wakka.  
  
"Well,maybe it was Sin!!" said Rikku.  
  
"Maybe," said Lulu."But maybe it was something else..."  
  
Meanwhile:  
  
Cloud and Tifa were eating lunch until Sir Auron landed on their table.  
  
"Oh no!!" said Tifa."It's a monster!!"  
  
"I'll get the shovel," said Cloud as he dashed off to somewhere in the house.Tifa began to beat Sir Auron up until she noticed he wasn't a monster,he was a man silly!! Hee hee!  
  
"I'm so sorry..." she said shaking her head."We thought you were trying to kill us!"  
  
"And to steal our taquitos,too." Cloud added.  
  
"...I though you were trying to kill me," Auron replied.He pulled his pants back up,and checked if his Teletubbies underoos weren't ruined.  
  
"So....what happened to you?"Cloud asked.  
  
"I don't know,but where am I?"  
  
"Somewhere not in Midgar..." Tifa answered.  
  
"And where's that?"  
  
"I dunno," said Cloud."Somewhere our there...Hey!You got a scar on your eye just like Red!!"  
  
"Red?" Auron said adjusting his coat.  
  
"He's a dog,I think...but you look like him if he was human." Cloud replied.  
  
"Uhh...okay,"Auron said."Can you help me get back to Spira..?"  
  
"Where's that?" Tifa said. Auron realized he was'n't at Zanarkin anymore.  
  
To be continued...(Part two: Finding a way home...) 


	3. Part two of that other story

Part two: Going Home

After he talked to Tifa and Cloud, Sir Auron walked around with them aimlessly for two hours. Then he broke the silence.

"How is this helping me get back to Spira?" Auron asked.

"Spira? What the hell are you talkin' 'bout, foo?" said Cloud getting all gangsta on him."Don't make me bust a cap in yo ass!"

"Oh no!" Tifa said."We were suppose to help him go home...I think I know how.."

A few minutes later,it became dark and the moon came out.Tifa came with a red sweater,a bike with a basket on it and a white blanket and a cardboard box with junk in it.

"Cloud wear this," she said,tossing him the sweater.He wore it and then Tifa gave Auron the white blanket.

"What exactly are you trying to do?" he questioned her.She turned to him and said.

"This is gonna help you go home!!" she smiled and took out whatever crap was in that box of hers."Wrap the blanket around you." He nodded and did so.She brought out a replica of that thingy that they used in E.T.

"What's that?" Cloud asked.

"It's some thing that helps people go back home," she said fixing it.All of a sudden Sephiroth flies over there.Cloud looked shocked and then remembered something: the taquitos!!

"Sephiroth!" he yelled."What do you want?"

"Are you giving me a present? You know,my birthday is coming up soon and I--"

"No--I want to know why you're here?" Cloud said.

"Oh...You see,I had my own tv show...but it's about to be cancelled so I though 'Like,hey Why don't we do a makeover show!!' Like, cause everyone does it nowadays..." Sephiroth exclaimed while he brushed his hair. "And you're the one I want to be on it. Cloud, do you want to be on tv too?...And yes,I came to steal your taquitos too."

"Nooo! Anything but the taquitos!! "Tifa said. "Wait—hey can I be in the show?"

"We only need two more people and a dog-thing. Sorry."

All of a sudden Aeris appeared.

"Cloud, Tifa, E.T. and Johnny Depp shocking information that I must tell you right away…Oooooh…I'm a ghost. Look at me float! Man…I haven't been this high since senior prom!"

"Aeris? Is that you?" Sephiroth asked.

"Duh," she said. "Anyway he's suppose to ,like, steal that dude and take your taquitos. Hey! Did you know my stunt double is Drew Barrymore?!"

"Oh my God!!" Cloud said. "I didn't know that. Hey where did you get your dress?"

"It's Versace. Got it for Christmas," she said and then. Whoosh! Yeah… Whoosh. She vanished!

Tifa was too busy fixing Auron's hair to be paying attention.

"Was that Aeris? How come she's not online anymore?" Tifa exclaimed. Sephiroth swooped down and grabbed the taquitos from Cloud. Then after that he then took Cloud, E.T. umm…I meant Auron!! Then after that he took the bike from Tifa and flew away. Fly, fly,fly…

"Damn," Tifa said. "Now I have to order buffalo wings."

Back in Sephiroth's secret headquarters/an old cardboard box for Christmas ornaments in Sephiroth's multi-million gil house…he was preparing to shoot their show.

"Ha ha ha ha..! Now my plans come into action! First we will shoot the show and cause people to have sesuires from watching it!" Sephiroth said outloud. "Then we shall use these taquitos…to open a chain of fast food resteraunts!"

"Not so fast ," Tidus yelled. "Give us back Auron!"

"Why am I here?" Red XIII said.

"Everyone shut up and grab Auron," Lulu said.

So,Kimahri grabbed him and jumped in the toilet but Yuna summoned Ifrit and ran away with the taquitos.

"What the hell was that?" Cloud said. "And I was really looking forward to be on TV…"

Lulu,Wakka,and Rikku jumped in the toilet (Which is the portal to the other world..) and everything went back to normal.

"I am so sad," Sephiroth was sad because he became friends with Auron and just finished making his friendship bracet.

"Hey Sephiroth, you want me to be your friend?" Cloud asked him.

"No."

"Why?"

"Cause I hate you."

The End

Meanwhile after the story…Aeris is lost…

"Hello? Helloooo? Where did everyone go, Nanaki? Cloud? Tifa? Sephiroth? E.T.?I knew I shouldn't have drank all that Smirnoff last night." 


	4. The Day Yuffie ExplodedI wish

A/N:I do not OWN the Square-Enix,Square-Soft,Square-Square,or the Final Fantasy series or any of their love children.THEY ARE NOT MINE! Thank you for your cooper-ation.Hands out complementary peanuts and cheesey cracker stuff 

The Day Yuffie Exploded (But then came back to life cause of AC)  
AKA How Yuffie got into AC Multi-parted story!

Please no angry letters.

Grrr.  
---------

Vincent sighed as he watched the birds sang happily,the flowers blooming,and some animals getting their freak on which was disturbing but anyways...He felt depressed.Well,didn't he always?A tear slid down his pale cheek and snot dripped down to his chin to his jacket which he later gave to Auron and never washed.

"HEY!" Yuffie the annoying materia stealer wanna be ninja chirped.She was wearing one of Aeris' old dresses."Do you think I look like her"  
"No"  
"Why are you so mean"  
"Cause"  
"Cause"  
Then he began to sob constantly later that night.That evening everyone (including Sephiroth,Aeris the ghost,and the author of this story,and her friend Claire..HI!and Zack.) were eating dinner at the ShinRa mansion.Their dinner was roast beef,potatoes,and other vegetables.And dessert too.But Vincent's dinner was made up with happy pills,but then he became too happy so they had to give him Ritalin.

"YO!Wat da matter wit you,foo?"Mr.T...Uhh...I mean Barret asked."Do we have to get more pills"  
"No," Vincent said in a melancholy tone.Everyone stared at him.Sephiroth raised his hand.  
"Like,can we go out tonight?" Then he winked at Claire.Then Aeris gave him a bad look.  
"Sorry,"he said."I'm not a necro like Cloud is"  
Cloud then dashed out out of the room running like a girl.Tifa went after him,but stuffed the rest of the jello dessert in her shirt that began to seep through..THEN went after him.  
"Cloud,don't cry!!"she squealed running after him.  
Someone sneezed and Vincent's sobbing was heard though out the whole room.  
"Boo-hoo!I am sad"  
"What exactly gave that away?" the author said sacrastically.Hee.  
Yuffie leaned up against him and started trying to be seductive."Hey...Vinny,I can make you happy..."She smiled at him but his sobbing got louder and he pushed her away.  
"THAT!"Vincent exclaimed knocked off his TV dinner plate full of pills onto the floor."THAT is why I am unhappy!" Everyone gasped and Barret farted.Cid scratched his butt while no one was looking.  
The author got up and walked over to the both of them.  
"So...You want her to...die?" she said to Vincent. He nodded and the author smirked at her.  
Everyone started laughing(Evily!!)and Mr.Rogers ghost began to tap dance on the dinner table...Spooky,yes?  
"Um,why exacly are we all together?"Cait Sith asked.  
"Cause the author's a looney," Aeris said,"Really looney cause she added you in the story!"

End part one!


End file.
